


Weird

by RonaldRx



Series: BPD!RomanSionis - Vent Fics [4]
Category: Birds of Prey (And the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn) (2020)
Genre: Borderline Personality Disorder, Bullying, Childhood Trauma, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Flashbacks, Implied/Referenced Sex, M/M, Mentions of Murder, Mentions of Violence, Past Child Abuse, Self-Esteem Issues, Victor is a good bf as always lol, the memories that are described are ones, this time not as present as in the others but still
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-11
Updated: 2020-11-11
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:47:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27511009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RonaldRx/pseuds/RonaldRx
Summary: Roman grew up with no friends and was repeatedly told he was weird. He even was bullied. He is triggered, years and years later and memories/flashbacks come up. Victor is a good boyfriend as always.
Relationships: Roman Sionis/Victor Zsasz
Series: BPD!RomanSionis - Vent Fics [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2000488
Kudos: 20





	Weird

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!
> 
> Well, with the amount of vent fics I'm writing and uploading, I'm honestly surprised people are actually reading them, lol. Thank you?! 
> 
> Either way. This one is deeply personal as always but this time it even gives y'all a glimpse into how I grew up (disclaimer, though: I do adjust it to Roman, of course. I didn't grow up rich, nor in America and my father didn't hit me for talking back). BUT the things with Bruce, the other kids, etc. The way he is triggered and feels after is pretty much accurate to how it was and is for me.  
> Yesterday, I was triggered and today I was plagued by flashbacks and before I did sth to myself, I decided to write this.  
> So, yeah. 
> 
> Read with caution as always if you're triggered by any of the tags. Nothing is explicit, really but it could still be triggering of course. Take care!
> 
> Hope you enjoy it anyway!
> 
> \- Ronny

Growing up, Roman didn't really have any friends. He had one 'friend' who was the Wayne boy but they only hung out because of their parents. At preschool and elementary school, it was like they didn't even know each other. Yet, when they were at each other's homes, they would talk, play and laugh like any other friends their young age would. Although Bruce tended to be rather bossy about everything but Roman barely minded that at the time. He was just glad to be able to talk to another boy. 

The other kids didn't like him at all. In their eyes he was weird. In their minds he didn't fit in. In their hearts they despised him.

So, he spent his time at preschool all by himself, playing with the toys he would find there or imagine himself a friend who would play and talk with him.

His father always chided him for not making friends because they were important to have for the future. He apparently needed to get to know all the other rich kids, so they could help each other out with the companies they would each inherit, when they were old enough. It was all about connections and being the rightful owner of Janus Corp in the future.

Though, he tried telling his father that he wanted to be friends with those children but they didn't want him anywhere near them, so it wasn't his fault. 

That earned him a slap on the face. He talked back. He wasn't allowed to do that.

At elementary school, it continued. Only that the children were starting to get meaner and more direct about it. He'd spend recesses on his own, walking around the playground, imagining his favourite characters from his favourite books and cartoons that he was occasionally allowed to watch. He talked to them. It was nice, they understood him and made him feel wanted.

He wished they were real.

One day, when Bruce was visiting him at home with his parents, they played and talked, like always. 

"Do you know why the other kids don't like you?" Bruce asked him suddenly. 

"No," Roman replied because at that time he didn't know. 

He wanted to go back to that. 

He wanted to continue being ignorant about it. 

"Well, they think you're weird, you know? You look weird. You like weird things. You are being weird. That's what they said at least, when we talked about it." 

Roman froze. 

He didn't really know how to respond to that. 

What he really wanted to do was scream, tell Bruce to go away and cry; but most of all - he wanted to disappear. 

"Oh. Alright. Well, I can't really change who I am, can I?" He answered instead, looking down on the figures they were playing with. 

"No, I don't think so. And look, I don't mind you being weird and all. It's just sometimes a lot, I'll give the others that."

Roman's face burned. His chest, too. His eyes as well. His heart clenched. 

Was he dying? 

"Can you stop talking about this?" He asked harshly. 

Bruce was taken aback for a moment and nodded. They went back to playing like before. 

Going to school after that was difficult. He felt even more alienated to everyone else than before. Now he knew why everyone avoided him, looked at him in that awful way, laughed at him - or worse even, actually attacked him. 

Verbally. Physically. 

He was powerless to it. The teachers witnessed it but they didn't do anything. It never went on for long enough to have them intervene. In a way he was used to it anyway because of his father. 

Telling his parents about it was of no use either, of course. 

He tried to ignore it to the best of his abilities and just get through this last year of elementary school. 

Maybe middle school would be better. 

So, he buried himself in school work and his favourite books and such. They were about masks mostly. He loved them. He didn't really know why. Bruce thought it was creepy but he didn't care. It made him happy. 

Middle school ended up being even worse than elementary school. 

Other boys actively seeked him out to tell him how weird he was and all this stupid shit he didn't want to hear. They would physically attack him, too. 

It was really bad, he hated it. 

He hated them all. 

He wanted them gone. 

He wanted to be gone himself. 

He would often come back home and lock himself in his room, crying and tending to his books about masks. 

After a few years, he acquired his first few masks. 

They made him feel safe. He loved them. They made him so happy. 

Whenever he would come home, crying and angry, he would look at the masks, inspect them, wear them if he could without worrying about ruining them; and he would just sink into this world where the others didn't exist. 

It was what kept him going. 

Over the years of high school and Gotham Academy, he would actually start to have friends. 

None of them truly stayed. 

None of them seemed to really like him. 

He clung onto them, though. He was starved for someone to talk to and hang out with. 

His father was pleased with him for finally making friends because they were rich and going to inherit their parents' companies and such, so he did what he was told as a little boy. 

That was probably the first and only time his father was somewhat proud of him for anything he's ever done. 

Years later, he wouldn't have any of those friends anymore. 

He didn't need them anyway, since he was disowned by his family and therefore would never be the head of Janus Corp. 

It frustrated him. 

It hurt him deeply. 

But he soon found something else.

Something his parents couldn't take from him. 

He met Victor Zsasz in a dingy club where most of the less important people of Gotham's underworld would be located.

They hit it off right away. 

It was as if they had been two puzzle pieces just waiting to be slotted together.

Zsasz was marvelous. He would soon know Roman inside out and help him make a name of himself in Gotham's underbelly. He never truly questioned him. He thought that he didn't think of him as weird like everyone else always did. He defended him. He might have actually fucking liked him. 

They looked for - and found - a club and a loft to own, after a year of planning things and making connections. 

Roman organised for the Bertinelli massacre to happen. Though the diamond wasn't there, it was something that made him rise up by a whole lot. 

His club was a place people liked to come to and soon he would have many regulars, VIPs and so forth. It was amazing.

On top of all that, his collection of masks and similar artifacts grew and grew. 

In need of a criminal alias, he also came up with being 'Black Mask' and commissioned someone to make it for him. He's always had a clear vision of a black skull mask that he wanted to own. Finally, he could have it and it even served a purpose. He even named his club after it. 

Victor really liked when he wore the mask. 

They soon began a sexual relationship, blowing off steam when they couldn't go out and just murder who had pissed him off or simply just out of excitement of having just killed someone. It always turned them on, so it was a long time coming when they ended up getting each other off at the scene, the smell of blood and death still hanging fresh in the air. 

Over a decade and a half later, their relationship evolved into something more. It was no longer just sexual. It was no longer just employer and employee, turned friends, turned friends with benefits. They might actually have been in an actual relationship, a romantic one. 

Neither of them really brought it up, ever.

They didn't acknowledge it. 

They didn't need to. 

They knew that they were important to each other and that if everything else turned to shit, they at least had each other. 

Sometimes though, something would set Roman off. 

Like when people at the club, his regulars especially, sat with him and he wouldn't have all their attention on him. He felt alienated. Disliked. Worthless. 

Weird. 

It always came back to him then. 

He would laugh and smile his way through the rest of the night, though. He couldn't show any of these fake fucks that he had a weakness. He couldn't let them know that their behaviour towards him had such a deep impact on him. 

That night was one of those. 

When he and Victor went upstairs to their loft, he was seething. He was hurt. His head was filled with these self-destructive images and thoughts. The urge to follow through with them was very high and hard to resist. 

Zsasz noticed that. Of course, he did.

"What is it?" He asked when they arrived in the living area and Roman heaved a frustrated sigh. 

"Nothing," Sionis barked. 

Victor looked at him, unimpressed. 

That was that at first.

Roman went to take a shower and dressed in his silk pajamas and Victor made him a Martini. Just like any other night where Roman would feel so out of sorts. 

When he went into their bedroom, Victor was already there, the Martini on Roman's bedside table. 

He immediately stepped towards it and sipped on it, moaning in delight. 

Victor gave him a crooked smile. 

"D'you wanna talk, now?" 

"Not particularly, no. I just wanna forget, really." 

"Fair enough, then." 

They both sat down on the bed. Victor had gotten out of his clothes and was only wearing his underwear and necklace that Roman gave to him years ago for his birthday. Roman finished his drink and put it back on the bedside table. Then they got under the covers, shifting close to each other, one of their sides basically glued to one another, leaning against the headboard.

For a few moments, they just sat there like this in a comfortable silence. 

It was always so easy with Victor. 

He wished he had known him when he was little. 

"Do you think I'm weird?" Roman suddenly blurted out. 

He didn't really mean to but the question burned on his tongue for years and years, now. Every time he was set off by other people like this, he wondered if Victor thought of him the same as everyone else seemed to. 

Zsasz was visibly taken aback by the question, his eyebrows raised in surprise and mouth a little slack, looking at his partner. 

"No. 'f course not. Why? Did someone say you're weird? I'll happily kill them for you," he replied sternly. 

Roman chuckled and looked away for a moment, blinking away tears that filled his eyes, burning them. Always burning. 

"Not really. I mean, when I was a kid, yes, but not tonight. I just got the feeling they thought it. I don't know, it's so stupid. But every time, I wonder if maybe you think I'm weird, too, you know?" 

"I don't. I never have. Fuck, Roman, c'mon. Look at us! If one of us was weird, it'd be me, don't you think?" Victor was serious about what he said but he was grinning at him in that wonderfully charming way of his; his gold teeth glinting in the lamp's light. 

Roman rolled his eyes, smiling. 

"You might be right about that," he grinned but it vanished quickly. "I just... Like I said, it is stupid. But I've been told I was weird since I was in preschool, so I suppose I can't fathom how you couldn't think that. Not even once."

Victor looked him deeply into his eyes. 

"Well, that's easy. When I look at you, I see this really stunning man who has a huge thing for masks and other creepy shit like that. I also see a man who has a cruel streak, a violent one, a very sadistic one. And I really fucking like what I see, y'know?

You made me feel like I belonged. You still do. You enable me. You make it possible for me to follow my purpose. In turn, and also just because I want to, I do everything you ask for. I look out for you. I take care of you. I know you hate hearing that. But you know it's true. 

You're worth keeping around, too. Sure, I'll have to kill you one day because I sure as shit won't let anyone else do that but it will be personal and beautiful, y'know? Freeing you is something that I fantasise about a lot but for the moment I prefer you alive. 

And like I said. I don't think or feel there is anything weird about you. Never have. Never will. I promise."

That was probably as close to a love confession as either of them would ever get. 

Roman nodded, closing the distance between them and pressing his lips on Victor's plush ones. They kissed each other for a couple of minutes, not really deepening it, just teasing one another with a little tongue here and there. 

When they parted, they were both smiling a little, breathing heavily. 

"I don't know where I'd be without you today," Roman whispered, resting his forehead against Victor's. 

"Me neither," Victor replied just as quietly. 

They each sighed, content. 

"Feel any better?" Zsasz asked eventually, when Roman moved his head down to the other man's shoulder, laying it down on that instead. 

"I think so, yeah."

"Good. You wanna go to sleep, now?" 

Roman just nodded. 

They shifted, lying down. Victor spooned Roman from behind, putting his left arm around his waist, the other one stretched out under his neck, his left leg between Roman's. Sionis put his right arm under his own head, pillowing it. His left hand gripped onto Victor's. 

Just like that, Roman was able to leave everything else behind himself.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
